Depression makes life difficult, it clouds your thoughts and makes you not care.
You would think having a baby would make it go away; as a parent you have to care for another person and you aren't your main priority anymore.
Wrong. My depression became much worse when pregnant and even worse after I had given birth. The first six months of my son's life were awful; I was mechanical felt numb. I had Post Natal Depression, and the first year of my son's life was hard going.
It was like wading through thick mud in weighted stilettos while blindfolded.
28 months on, my son is a gorgeous and happy little man. I look at him every day and feel so happy that I have him in my life. I have an amazing son and husband and life is good.
But I'm still depressed. It just won't go away.
I wake in the morning, and have a moment of normality. I feel normal, I feel good.
And then quick as anything the depression pops up. I feel numb, sad, and I don't want to get out of bed. I'll just hide away for the whole day.
And then I hear a wonderful voice.
No matter how bad I feel I have to be his mummy. I have to love and care for him. And despite how bad I feel some days I can never doubt the love I have for him.
He is my absolute world. My life. My greatest creation.
I'm his mummy, and I have depression. I may not be a good mummy. I may not be the best mummy.
But I am his mummy, and the best mummy I can be.