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Mother Fudging Mum Guilt

Date: 5 September, 2017
Tags: mum guilt

Hey guilt,

We don't need introductions we already know each other fairly well, as you are always there permanent 24/7 hiding in the background waiting to pounce.

I am just writing this letter to let you know that I seriously motherfudging hate you. You know this, you know when I am weak and you can manipulate me. You think I will listen but I will put up a fight. There are days when there are constant internal squabbles between me and you. It is tiring and no one comes out winning in this war. But I still put up a fight most days, while you hover in the background.

I try to be a good mother, I really do. I don't get it always right but please stop with the pestering, knocking at my door every corner of the way through motherhood. No one provides a manual with this parenting malarkey so how am I supposed to know. Sometimes I am so scared that I don't know what to do. All you can do is hope for the best. I am constantly learning through trial and error. Sometimes I win, other times I fail dramatically so. 

I know you love the control over my weak mind, especially when I'm not certain, but I'm sick of this battle between you and me. I have had enough of this constant battering me down with your mental torture.

You take advantage of all the information available, whether that be online, TV or whatever to make a stronger argument and bring me down. I am sick of this punishment! You dampen my mood and make me feel miserable. I shouldn't have to feel like this. I have a right to be happy just like anyone else. 

Ok, I lose my shit from time to time and shouty-mum makes an appearance. I let the kids watch TV, sometimes I look at my phone a little bit too much but give me a goddamn break, it is hard work.

I know people are going to criticise me for making the comment but parenting is a full time job but no-one recognises what you do. Apart from you guilt, you are there waiting at every opportunity to put me down and make me feel like I'm the worst parent in the whole entire world.

Sometimes you mess with my brain so much that I lie awake in the early hours of the morning reflecting and where it all went wrong.

Right now I don't care anymore and no I'm not 100% perfect but I'll give it a good try. We all have to learn from my mistakes or how else do I grow as a parent!?

I work my ass off, I try to do all them things that you should do as a parent - I feed them, clean up after them, care for them, I love them but now and again I make mistakes I am only human after all.

So on a final note to you guilt I want to say motherfudge off.

yours,

a tired mother dealing with this guilt trip

 

 



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