When I'm a Mum I'll Never...

Date: 8 March, 2017
Tags: when i'm a mum, parenting ideals
Writer: Beezy Marsh

One of the best bits of being a mum, is that you get to parent your way. No way are you going to say the things your mum said to you and there's no chance you'll get annoyed by the same things that bothered her. Isn't that right?

Well, no.

So here is a list of my top ten favourite things I will never say/ never do when I am a mum. And, of course, like most of us mothers out there, I have done them all.

1. Get upset about the kids mixing the play dough colours. Who else hates the green sludge colour that it ends up? I tried and failed to make them keep it separate, just because I liked it that way.

2. Cook a fish pie from scratch and then cry when they spit it out/ throw it on the floor and won't eat it.

3. Spend all day picking up Nerf bullets/ Lego or Sylvanian families off the floor. Swear I will make them do it themselves next time...

4. Use sweets as bribes. Use toys as bribes. Just use anything to get them to eat some vegetables.

5. Run down the garden path yelling "Byeee!" before the babysitter has even got her coat off.

6. Weep with gratitude when a friend offers to look after the kids for an hour, unexpectedly.

7 Seriously consider whether your child could make it big in Hollywood/ in the West End, based on their performance in the school play. They were brilliant though, weren't they?

8. Fall in love with Mr Tumble and think that CBeebies alone makes the licence fee worth it.

9. Say things your mother used to: I'm not doing this for the good of my health/ if you don't eat your crusts your hair won't curl/ the wind will change and you will stay like that/ don't care was made to care!

10. Go down a slide/ swing on a swing/ play chase and love it because having kids allows you to see the world through their eyes, even if you are almost too exhausted to stay awake.

Beezy Marsh is an author and journalist and tired mother to two little boys. Her first novel, Mr Make Believe, about an imperfect mum's quest for the perfect relationship, is published by Ipso Books on April 25th.


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